My First Post!

Hi Everybody,

It's me, Matthew. The Editor of Matteus Von Mustard's Apocalypse Watch. I'm the won responsible for the spelling and grammar hear, I also take care of getting things posted, since the Professor Doktor isn't two good with computers.

I'm really excited write now, because I finally saw my first sign of the apocalypse while I was digging through the statistics at NBA.com.

I found the sign hidden amongst the win/loss ratios of two teams: The Toronto Raptors and the New Jersey Nets. These two times traded around Christmas. Toronto traded away it's superstar Vince Carter in exchange for Alonzo Mourning who is effectively hospitalized. So the only factor at play here is the presence or absence of Vince Carter.

Look at these numbers! They don't make any scents! Reality has stopped adding up!

Toronto Raptors:
Percentage .350 with Vince.
Percentage .419 without Vince.
7 wins and 13 losses before trade. 13 wins and 18 losses after trade.

New Jersey Nets:
Percentage .480 with Vince.
Percentage .360 without Vince.
9 wins and 16 losses before trade. 12 wins and 13 losses after trade.

Vince Carter's presence reduced the Raptor's win percentage by nearly seven per cent, while the presence of the very same player increased the Net's win percentage by eight percent!

The once invincible Reason, has clearly bean vinced!


Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:47 a.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:49 a.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

What in the blazes is this?!? I've never read malarkey as malarkish as this! Is this about some sort of a professional sport?

This is certainly not a sign of the apocalypse, in fact, it is clearly a sign of nothing but your own incompetence!!!

If I could only get a grasp the finer details of this "push-button publishing," I would instantly delete this prattling puerile rigmarole!

I am ABSOLUTELY LIVID! I nearly shattered my monocle when I saw this drivel! My mustache is a bristling handlebar of rage!

Matthew! When I see you next you have some serious explaining to do! The APOCALYPSE is not to be taken lightly!

I'm dead serious!


2:50 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, Matthew, you sure post pretty!

I saw a sign of the apocalypse today, too. It came in the form of a philosophy major who kept trying to make socratic dialogues on me. I finally opted out with solipsism. He said that those kind of easy outs have to end. I realized that as a solipsist, he was telling me my little world had to end.

From now on, anyone who wants a book from the philosophy section can get it their damnable selves.


1:36 a.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

My word! Your own personal mini-apocalypse! A cataclysmic, personal pan pizza of infinite mini-destruction!

If you were as well-versed in the words and ways of omenology as I, you might know that there is already a film about your situation, that could help you.

I shall cast you this gem of wisdom, to help you in your search for the video: Idaho is actually a synonym for apocalypse.

As an aside, I have full sympathy in regards to your plight. Matthew is also a philosophy graduate... lords have mercy.

1:01 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had to write a paper comparing that film to Henry the IV. The betrayal of Falstaff by Hal, and so on. Falling down drunk versus just falling down.

I liked the blue skies in the film. For other examples look at the skies in Rasputin.


12:07 p.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

You are indeed quick on your feet, erin neophyte! Perhaps I should just fire Matthew and hire you instead.

do you have any interest in interning for Matteus Von Mustard's Apocalypse Watch?

matteus VON! mustard

3:41 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd love to, but...

Where would the book loving people of Minneapolis be without me? All I can offer is the small part of my day I do not spend in civic duty.


10:11 p.m.  

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