Re-top-secretization
The NY Times is reporting that since 1999 the US Goverment intelligence has been busy reclassifying documents that Bill Clinton declassified in 1995. This makes sense. After all, the man smoked Mary Juh Wanna. He’s a dirty hippy and he can’t be trusted. What they forgot is that I, Matteus Von Mustard, am the world’s greatest deconstructionist detective – a chaser of erasure and a pimp of the palimpsest!
To give you an idea of how complicated this situation is, the article actually included the following sentence:
If Mr. Leonard finds that documents are being wrongly reclassified, his office could not unilaterally release them, but he could urge a reversal or a revision of the reclassification program.
In some situations the CIA seems to have gone crazy. For example, one file recently re-deemed re-top-secret was an English translation of an article from a very public Belgrade newspaper. Unless I’m mistaken, there are people outside of the CIA who speak both English and Serbian.
For the purposes of top-secrecy, the rest of this text will be in remorse code. What I have written above has been widely ported by spectable remembers of the repress, but what I am about to late to you is more slippery than a banana repeal and more confusing than a broken telephone recall. I know you’re waiting with rebated breath, so I won’t lax. Like Don Quixote in full galia I will sume my request! I will not treat, even if it looks like remission impossible!
Oh. Oh my. I have perhaps replyed myself with too much high-reproof rum. My remain point has slipped my remind. Oh, now I member! Within these stricted ports relies a resign of the apocalypse! See, I never remiss my remark!
That’s enough of that.
While they were declassified, historians made copies of some of the reclassified documents for private collections and by taking note of what the government is making re-top-secret we can get an accurate sense of their plans for the near future. Let me tell you dear readers, it is more terrifying than even I would have imagined--
“Among the 50 withdrawn documents that Mr. Aid found in his own files is a 1948 memorandum on a C.I.A. scheme to float balloons over countries behind the Iron Curtain and drop propaganda leaflets. It was reclassified in 2001.”
Good god? Don’t you see what this means?? IRON ZEPELLINS! Or MAYBE ATOMIC ZEPELLINS dropping MIND-CONTROL LEAFLETS! OR EVEN, god forbid, LED ZEPPELINS dropping BLUES-INSPIRED ROCK RIFFS! AAAGGHH!!! HEAD FOR THE HILLS!
To give you an idea of how complicated this situation is, the article actually included the following sentence:
If Mr. Leonard finds that documents are being wrongly reclassified, his office could not unilaterally release them, but he could urge a reversal or a revision of the reclassification program.
In some situations the CIA seems to have gone crazy. For example, one file recently re-deemed re-top-secret was an English translation of an article from a very public Belgrade newspaper. Unless I’m mistaken, there are people outside of the CIA who speak both English and Serbian.
For the purposes of top-secrecy, the rest of this text will be in remorse code. What I have written above has been widely ported by spectable remembers of the repress, but what I am about to late to you is more slippery than a banana repeal and more confusing than a broken telephone recall. I know you’re waiting with rebated breath, so I won’t lax. Like Don Quixote in full galia I will sume my request! I will not treat, even if it looks like remission impossible!
Oh. Oh my. I have perhaps replyed myself with too much high-reproof rum. My remain point has slipped my remind. Oh, now I member! Within these stricted ports relies a resign of the apocalypse! See, I never remiss my remark!
That’s enough of that.
While they were declassified, historians made copies of some of the reclassified documents for private collections and by taking note of what the government is making re-top-secret we can get an accurate sense of their plans for the near future. Let me tell you dear readers, it is more terrifying than even I would have imagined--
“Among the 50 withdrawn documents that Mr. Aid found in his own files is a 1948 memorandum on a C.I.A. scheme to float balloons over countries behind the Iron Curtain and drop propaganda leaflets. It was reclassified in 2001.”
Good god? Don’t you see what this means?? IRON ZEPELLINS! Or MAYBE ATOMIC ZEPELLINS dropping MIND-CONTROL LEAFLETS! OR EVEN, god forbid, LED ZEPPELINS dropping BLUES-INSPIRED ROCK RIFFS! AAAGGHH!!! HEAD FOR THE HILLS!
posted by Matthew Lie - Paehlke at 10:38 p.m.
2 Comments:
that post amused me. thank you.
maybe it will be 99 ballons dropping luftlets.
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you told me you wanted people to post.
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i'm sorry.
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