Zombie Terrorists!
Sweet Jesus have mercy!!!
A Kentucky high school student has been arrested for a short story about zombies attacking his school, which the police seem to have taken as some kind of a death threat. Little do they now that the danger is far more insidious, this boy has concocted the world's first UNDEATH THREAT! -- a clear sign of the apocalypse.
The article begins with the headline "Student Arrested for Terroristic Threatening..." Oh truly, that is a delectably cataclysmic word -- Terroristic. Matthew suggests to me that it sounds like the title of "a turntablist album" -- except it would apparently be spelled TerrorWristTic. As always, I'm at a loss to understand his meaning.
As you continue your perusal of this post, I would ask my gentle readers to keep in mind that this is actually true and NOT a satirical piece posted on the onion.
Here is the article in full, because each and every sentence gets better and better. I am particularily enamoured of the student's appalling southern-drawl grammar, which one can only imagine carrying through the whole zombie-attack-narrative.
STUDENT ARRESTED FOR TERRORISTIC THREATENING SAYS INCIDENT A MISUNDERSTANDING
"A George Rogers Clark High School junior arrested Tuesday for making terrorist threats told LEX 18 News Thursday that the "writings" that got him arrested are being taken out of context.
Winchester police say William Poole, 18, was taken into custody Tuesday morning. Investigators say they discovered materials at Poole's home that outline possible acts of violence aimed at students, teachers, and police.
Poole told LEX 18 that the whole incident is a big misunderstanding. He claims that what his grandparents found in his journal and turned into police was a short story he wrote for English class.
"My story is based on fiction," said Poole, who faces a second-degree felony terrorist threatening charge. "It's a fake story. I made it up. I've been working on one of my short stories, (and) the short story they found was about zombies. Yes, it did say a high school. It was about a high school over ran by zombies."
Even so, police say the nature of the story makes it a felony. "Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it's a felony in the state of Kentucky," said Winchester Police detective Steven Caudill.
Poole disputes that he was threatening anyone.
"It didn't mention nobody who lives in Clark County, didn't mention (George Rogers Clark High School), didn't mention no principal or cops, nothing,"
said Poole. "Half the people at high school know me. They know I'm not that stupid, that crazy."
On Thursday, a judge raised Poole's bond from one to five thousand dollars after prosecutors requested it, citing the seriousness of the charge.
Poole is being held at the Clark County Detention Center."
Three things have a particularily apocalyptic tenor here. First, notice that police detective Steven Caudill's questionable use of the word 'or' leads him to suggest that "any time you possess matter involving a school or function it's a felony in the state of Kentucky." That's quite a law -- I suggest everyone in Kentucky cease and desist sending out flyers for the school play immediately!
Secondly, the student suggests that people know that he won't make zombies, because "they know I'm not that stupid, that crazy." It seems that he believes his sanity and intelligence (limited as they are) to be the only things preventing him from making zombies to 'over-ran' the school.
Thirdly, it is not just one police detective who has difficulty with the word 'or' who is concerned about the likelihood of the student being a necromancer; no, no, a presumably well-educated and experienced judge, raised the bail because of the 'seriousness' of the crime.
If anyone amongst my truly legion readers has access to the original zombie-attack manuscript, I think they would find it quite lucrative, in that I would pay them a lot of money so that I could own it.
Thanks to boing-boing.
A Kentucky high school student has been arrested for a short story about zombies attacking his school, which the police seem to have taken as some kind of a death threat. Little do they now that the danger is far more insidious, this boy has concocted the world's first UNDEATH THREAT! -- a clear sign of the apocalypse.
The article begins with the headline "Student Arrested for Terroristic Threatening..." Oh truly, that is a delectably cataclysmic word -- Terroristic. Matthew suggests to me that it sounds like the title of "a turntablist album" -- except it would apparently be spelled TerrorWristTic. As always, I'm at a loss to understand his meaning.
As you continue your perusal of this post, I would ask my gentle readers to keep in mind that this is actually true and NOT a satirical piece posted on the onion.
Here is the article in full, because each and every sentence gets better and better. I am particularily enamoured of the student's appalling southern-drawl grammar, which one can only imagine carrying through the whole zombie-attack-narrative.
STUDENT ARRESTED FOR TERRORISTIC THREATENING SAYS INCIDENT A MISUNDERSTANDING
"A George Rogers Clark High School junior arrested Tuesday for making terrorist threats told LEX 18 News Thursday that the "writings" that got him arrested are being taken out of context.
Winchester police say William Poole, 18, was taken into custody Tuesday morning. Investigators say they discovered materials at Poole's home that outline possible acts of violence aimed at students, teachers, and police.
Poole told LEX 18 that the whole incident is a big misunderstanding. He claims that what his grandparents found in his journal and turned into police was a short story he wrote for English class.
"My story is based on fiction," said Poole, who faces a second-degree felony terrorist threatening charge. "It's a fake story. I made it up. I've been working on one of my short stories, (and) the short story they found was about zombies. Yes, it did say a high school. It was about a high school over ran by zombies."
Even so, police say the nature of the story makes it a felony. "Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it's a felony in the state of Kentucky," said Winchester Police detective Steven Caudill.
Poole disputes that he was threatening anyone.
"It didn't mention nobody who lives in Clark County, didn't mention (George Rogers Clark High School), didn't mention no principal or cops, nothing,"
said Poole. "Half the people at high school know me. They know I'm not that stupid, that crazy."
On Thursday, a judge raised Poole's bond from one to five thousand dollars after prosecutors requested it, citing the seriousness of the charge.
Poole is being held at the Clark County Detention Center."
Three things have a particularily apocalyptic tenor here. First, notice that police detective Steven Caudill's questionable use of the word 'or' leads him to suggest that "any time you possess matter involving a school or function it's a felony in the state of Kentucky." That's quite a law -- I suggest everyone in Kentucky cease and desist sending out flyers for the school play immediately!
Secondly, the student suggests that people know that he won't make zombies, because "they know I'm not that stupid, that crazy." It seems that he believes his sanity and intelligence (limited as they are) to be the only things preventing him from making zombies to 'over-ran' the school.
Thirdly, it is not just one police detective who has difficulty with the word 'or' who is concerned about the likelihood of the student being a necromancer; no, no, a presumably well-educated and experienced judge, raised the bail because of the 'seriousness' of the crime.
If anyone amongst my truly legion readers has access to the original zombie-attack manuscript, I think they would find it quite lucrative, in that I would pay them a lot of money so that I could own it.
Thanks to boing-boing.
posted by Matthew Lie - Paehlke at 11:59 p.m.
9 Comments:
I'd be so pissed if my GRandparents turned me in. I see this ruining all future Christmas dinners.
I don't appreciate your mocking the work of the fine gentlemen who merely want to protect the future of America. The propagation of terrorist ideas, displayed by this youth, illustrates the spiritual corruption that has led to teens killing teens.
Terrorism of any kind is not a laughable matter. Perhaps many do not believe in zombies, but this matter must be investigated. "Zombie" may be a code word, for instance...a potent word that instills a physical and psychic fear for it is the embodiment of dormant life in death.
In addition, if a zombie attack were to occur, it may be the end of us, as they cannot be killed by the use of regular weapons.
Dear Anonymous,
Many of your observations are on the mark. In particular, "Zombie" makes an excellent code-word. However, I feel that the police should focus their prosecutorial efforts on real terrorists, rather than teenage fictionalists.
Furthermore, Zombies can be killed with conventional weapons, as long as you hit the brain stem.
The law enforcement agency is incredibly naive. I can't believe they think that zombies can be made with short fiction. Everyone knows that it takes a combination of Santeria, Voodoo, drugs/exotic plants, and or modern science gone crazy to make a zombie. Now if that kid had made a recent trip to Haiti, or perhaps if his father had been experimenting with a new form of radioactive antiviral serum, then I'd be all for locking him up indefinately. However, short fiction is only proven to bring about Steven King style internal demons, spirits, and or ghosts that usually only do damage the author.
G3rg
The law enforcement agency is incredibly naive. I can't believe they think that zombies can be made with short fiction. Everyone knows that it takes a combination of Santeria, Voodoo, drugs/exotic plants, and or modern science gone crazy to make a zombie. Now if that kid had made a recent trip to Haiti, or perhaps if his father had been experimenting with a new form of radioactive antiviral serum, then I'd be all for locking him up indefinately. However, short fiction is only proven to bring about Steven King style internal demons, spirits, and or ghosts that usually only do damage the author.
G3rg
The law enforcement agency is incredibly naive. I can't believe they think that zombies can be made with short fiction. Everyone knows that it takes a combination of Santeria, Voodoo, drugs/exotic plants, and or modern science gone crazy to make a zombie. Now if that kid had made a recent trip to Haiti, or perhaps if his father had been experimenting with a new form of radioactive antiviral serum, then I'd be all for locking him up indefinately. However, short fiction is only proven to bring about Steven King style internal demons, spirits, and or ghosts that usually only do damage the author.
G3rg
The law enforcement agency is incredibly naive. I can't believe they think that zombies can be made with short fiction. Everyone knows that it takes a combination of Santeria, Voodoo, drugs/exotic plants, and or modern science gone crazy to make a zombie. Now if that kid had made a recent trip to Haiti, or perhaps if his father had been experimenting with a new form of radioactive antiviral serum, then I'd be all for locking him up indefinately. However, short fiction is only proven to bring about Steven King style internal demons, spirits, and or ghosts that usually only do damage the author.
G3rg
wow g3rg that was a nice comment.
so nice you posted twice ...
and then twice more...
good lord
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