Holy Batbombs Batman!

During World War II, keep in mind this is entirely true, the US military was developing a bat bomb. This bomb would basically be a cardboard box on a parachute filled with hundreds of bats. Honestly. Each of the bats would have a collar with a time-delayed explosive so that, hours later, as dawn crept into the sky and they snuck into attics and eaves and various nooks and crannies to sleep, hundreds of Japanese homes over a forty mile radius would inexplicably burst into flames at once. How creepy and magical a weapon would that have been? What's more since the charges would be small, most people would survive, especially since bats tend not to bed with men and women, the civilians of Japan would be able to evacuate their houses before they burned to the ground. Thus the bomb would destroy vast amounts of property with killing civilians.

Unfortunately, while scientists were working out the intricacies of the Bat Bomb, some other scientists finished up their work on an Atom Bomb, which was easier to complete because a Bat is so much larger and more complicated than an Atom. In fact there are millions of atoms inside every Bat and hundreds of Bats inside every Bat Bomb, so clearly the complexity of the Bat Bomb would be hundreds of millions of times that of the Atom Bomb.

Think of what a wonderful world we might live in, if the United States had defeated Japan with a Bat Bomb instead of an Atom bomb. The hills surrounding Chernobyl would still be liveable, albeit constantly dark from a twenty foot thick cloud of bats. And think how great the Godzilla movies would have turned out had they been inspired by a deep-seated fear of Bat bombs rather than Atom bombs? And what of the technology we might find all around us today? Armadillo cars and Chicken telephones no longer seem so unattainable. Surely, it is a sign of our impending doom that we chose the wrong path at that critical juncture of human history.

Thanks and praises to the Athanasius Kircher Society.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

another great post mizzat, well done.

i wonder what animal rights activists would have had to say? well, no, i don't wonder, i guess it's pretty easy to figure out what they'd say.

i thought you'd have something to say about my recent terrorism/religion post ... considering i know nothing about religion and for some reason i remember you as someone who would be likely to have good knowledge and insight in the area.

i'm rambling, it must be late.

12:39 a.m.  
Blogger justin said...

The US also sadly scrapped plans for a pigeon-guided bomb (honestly). A quorum of thre pigeons were to be fitted into the nosecones of bombs, each with a peckable lens. When targets resembling those they had been traineed to identify appeared, they were to have pecked at their lenses, which in turn would have adjusted the path of the bomb.

And to think they turned down my "cute-bomb" proposal.

2:08 a.m.  

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