How? Guh? WHUZZAaaAH?!?!

This is from today's Globe. People have gone absolutely bonkers. Plum-raving-loco!

"55 per cent of Tory voters would opt for the NDP if their party falters!!!"

What? WHUZZAH? What the hell are you voting about? This can only mean that 55% of tory voters are voting against the liberals without a thought in their head about what will happen if the Conservatives get elected.

Dear Canada,

Go to your room to think about what you've just said! You're not allowed to come down and vote until you've thought of a sensible explanation for your choices!

With Love,
Your Uncle Travelling Matt

Clearly they aren't enticed by tory tax-cuts or mad about gay marriage. Are they in favour of missile defense? The war in Iraq? Fiscal restraint? Are they worried about the environment and Health Care?!?!? VITRIOL!

Jack Layton has vowed that should the Conservatives win the election they will face "an unprecedented" battle in parliament against the NDP trying to pass their legislation. This is despite the fact that Jack could probably win more votes if he claimed he would be able to cooperate with a Conservative minority.

by Matteus Von Mustard

ME: "So your first choice is Stephen Harper and your second choice is a man who is has vowed to fight tooth and nail to thwart his every move."
VOTER: "Yeah, you know, one or the other, they both seem to represent my views well. "
ME: "You can't vote like that! Go read a fucking newspaper! That's like saying I'm voting for Lex Luthor, but if he pulls out, I'm sure Superman would do a good job too. I just don't want to see that Clark Kent guy in power anymore."
VOTER: "Lex Luthor is running? Ooh, he'd be good. He's got that mask and the cape and the gaspy breathing."
ME: "What? No. That's Darth Vader."
VOTER: "He's in the senate right?"
ME: {goes home, puts gotterdammerung in the phonograph, pours a glass of scotch and begins to weep softly along with the music}
VOTER: {having followed me home, the voter is now standing at the window looking in} What is that? Opera? Yuck. The only good opera I've ever seen is Cats.
ME: Release the hounds. {smiles, sips scotch, watches voter stumble through brambles trying to make it back to the front gates -- they are electrified}
ME: {quietly} Weialala leia, wallala leialala.


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