Meta-sign of the Metapocalypse!

Here is something strange -- hits upon my humble site have doubled, perhaps even tripled this past weekend. At first, I thought, ah good, the word is out, the world is finally recognizing my unparalleled brilliance. But upon looking deeper into my sitemetre statistics, I noticed that no one was staying very long.

How could this be I wondered? What kind of numbskull when exposed to my site for the first time, would not want to stay for hours? Then I realized it, these are not my usual well-heeled readers, arriving through lofty links from revered referrers, no these are the scum of the internet, people referred from search engines.

But why would I suddenly be receiving more hits from search engines you might ask? Well, by looking at the terms people have been searching for I realized that searches for "Signs of the Apocalypse" have increased tenfold this past weekend. I can only assume that this is as a result of the pope's death. People see it on tv, they wonder if it is a sign of the apocalypse, and then they go to their computer and type it in. The blogosphere is a very strange place my friends.

I've got a longer post prepared about a more astounding sign of the apocalypse, but I'll put it up mid-week. It is less relevant to current events than this.

Since I have now mentioned the pope and the pope's death on my site, my traffic will presumably have trebled again by then.


Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Let me help you earn some traffic to this particular post.

Pope Death.
Pope Cremation.
Pope Taxidermy.
Pope Taxidermist.
Pope Action Figure.
Pope Souvenier Plate.
Pope Sex Toy.
Pontiff Pontificate.
Pontiff Pope McReligion.
Pointy Hat Pope.
Ku Klux Pope.
Pope Elope Cantalope.
Pope Scope Submarine.
Pope Poop Plop.
Pope Probe NASA.
Pope Snacks.
Pope Cookies.
Pope Swimsuit Calendar.
Pope Neon Sign.
Pope Smoking Marijuana.
Pope Bong Dope Gong.
Pope John Paul George Ringo.

You're welcome. Let me know if you get any hits from this. I'm dying to know.

1:51 p.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

Alas, the pope traffic seems to have waned. A valiant effort though, sir.

4:48 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't help but be offended that you call us the "scum of the internet" because we are referred from search engines. Is it not natural in situations like these to look to God and His signs for answers? You should not be offending people for finding your site and not spending hours because they did not find what they were looking for. That is your fault, my friend. But you probably weren't looking to write for the garden-variety man or woman. As for your unparalleled brilliance... I've read some of these entries, so don't kid yourself.

7:32 p.m.  
Blogger justin said...

Yes, of course. We should none of us kid ourselves. What would become of us then?

1:44 a.m.  
Blogger deadpan said...

where can i find the variety of man or woman that will grow in my garden? is there a wilderness-variety man or woman? because i would also like to find me one of those.

12:18 p.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

dear alejandro,

were you perhaps the man who searched for "black pope sign of apocalypse," because I am greatly curious to know who it was who performed such a search.

either way your post in an astounding ambiguity which vacillates infinitely between seeming self-deprecating sarcasm and frightful earnestness and I can not make heads nor tails of it.

matteus "unparalleled brilliance" von mustard

1:28 p.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

well, it happened. someone just searched for "pope bong" and I was number one and google and they came on through.

3:00 p.m.  

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