Our Doom Is like A Bloody Zit waiting to be Popped, and yet we lust to Drink the Ichor which is contained THEREIN!

Yesterday, after performing our rigorous and spartanic physical rituals, I went for a relaxing promenade along Spadina Avenue with His Lordship, Sir Lucretius P. Dancastner. We were strolling most leisurely, when we were both stopped in our tracks, pierced through by the most disturbing print advertisement which I have ever laid eyes upon. It was for a new product called a "Bloody Zit Froster." It is an iced beverage of the most ghastly, gleaming red tone. Other than the long-established transgression of the Bloody Mary and the Bloody Caesar, I had never before seen a beverage play so blatantly to its hemic properties. It was truly vile.

Sir Dancastner and I stood frozen in our tracks, staring at the bus shelter advertisement which glowed creepily from within. Front and center was a clear plastic cup containing a liquid of the aforementioned red tone, but not only was the liquid red, it was chunky. I tremble to say it, but LO!, it was indeed chunky, suggesting that the liquid within the cup had been obtained by mulching and or compressing vast mounds of zits, blackheads, whiteheads, blisters, boils, carbuncles, pustules and papules; perhaps warts and scabs as well. The disgusting cup was resting on a countertop, the entire background of the poster was composed of blue-green bathroom tiles which were unforgiveably streaked with little squirts and trickles of angst-infused, teenage face-nectar, as though to suggest this ungodly sanguine libation were lovingly-crafted by hand at home, one puss-bursting pinch at a time.

Dancastner and I were dumbstruck, we turned to each other, our expressions calling out; "What In the Blue Blazes are these advertisers thinking?"

While I was unable to find a link to the exact image which did so shock our mature and jaded eyes, I have found a link to a TV spot from the same campaign. If you are not eating, or ever considering eating again, you can safely view it here.

PS - Happy Mother's Day Mom!


I have discovered a picture of the poster on the "Torontoist" website.

Zounds! This is the first picture ever to grace the stellar surface of my webpage!
Congratulations are in order to myself.


Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

Contrary to my usually tendencies, I am considering claiming this as a sign of the unapocalypse. What we see here is a clear demonstration that advertisers have a complete bankruptcy of ideas and are becoming increasingly desperate. While in the case of Fridge-o-vision, it led to the production of a ludicrous and wasteful product, it seems in this case likely to only result in reduced sales rather than wanton destruction of our planet. Some days I have hope that humanity is wise enough to pass through this decade of hyper-marketing unscathed with our faculties and planet intact in order to carry on our more civilized traditions of culture, art and civic pride in the greener pastures beyond.

11:39 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:32 a.m.  
Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

They should release a jumbo version and call it a Menstrual Volcano.

1:54 p.m.  
Blogger me said...

you talked me into watching THAT?!!!

i just realized that the disturbed look is still on my face as i type.

also, your mom's still alive? aren't you ancient?

...and the look's still there, though it's petering out into a very unbecoming curl of my lips.

8:59 p.m.  
Blogger Webgrrl74 said...

Okay... despite the terribly gross ads (both POP and commercials)...has anyone actually tasted this? You know I'm SO going to try this out.. regardless of the gross advertising.
Has anyone else tried this at all?

2:41 p.m.  
Blogger Matthew Lie - Paehlke said...

My poor misguided webgrrl74; your soul is worth so much more than making minimum wage trolling blogs and commenting in favour of various products.

Please quit, run outside in the grass and trees and sun.

3:41 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:54 a.m.  

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